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Sex can be a powerful emotional experience and a great tool for protecting or improving health, and it's certainly not only for the young. Sex over the age of 50 can present challenges, and you may feel discouraged by issues connected with the ageing process, but these problems are not insurmountable. With better understanding and an open mind, you can continue to enjoy a physically and emotionally fulfilling sex life — it's not a question of age, but of desire.
Good Sex at Any Age
The need for intimacy is ageless. Studies now confirm that no matter what your gender, you can enjoy sex for as long as you wish. Naturally, sex at 70 or 80 may not be like it is at 20 or 30 — but in some ways it can be better. As an older adult, you may feel wiser than you were in your earlier years, and know what works best for you when it comes to your sex life. Older people often have a great deal more self-confidence and self-awareness, and feel released from the unrealistic ideals of youth and prejudices of others. With children grown and work less demanding, couples are better able to relax and enjoy one another without the old distractions.
For a number of reasons, though, many adults worry about sex in their later years, and end up turning away from sexual encounters. Some older adults feel embarrassed, either by their ageing bodies or by their "performance," while others are affected by illness or loss of a partner. Without accurate information and an open mind, a temporary situation can turn into a permanent one. You can avoid letting this happen by being proactive. Whether you're seeking to restart or improve your sex life, it's important to be ready to try new things and to ask for professional help if necessary. There is much you can do to compensate for the normal changes that come with ageing. With proper information and support, your later years can be an exciting time to explore both the emotional and sensual aspects of your sexuality.
Benefits of Sex As You Age
As an older adult, the two things that may have brought the greatest joy — children and career — may no longer be as prevalent in your everyday life. Personal relationships often take on a greater significance, and sex can be an important way of connecting. Senior sex has the power to do the following:
- Improve mental and physical health. Sex can burn fat, cause the brain to release endorphins and drastically reduce anxiety.
- Increase lifespan. Through its health-improving benefits, a good sex life can add years to your life.
- Solidify relationships. Sex is a chance to express the closeness of your deepest relationship.
- Give refuge. Sex gives you a chance to escape from the sometimes-harsh realities of the world.
Accept and celebrate who you are.
Sex in later life may not be the same as it was in your youth — but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. In fact, sex can be more enjoyable than ever. As you find yourself embracing your older identity, you can enjoy the following:
- Reap the benefits of experience. The independence and self-confidence that comes with age can be very attractive to your spouse or potential partners. No matter your gender, you may feel better about your body at 62 or 72 than you did at 22. It is likely that you now know more about yourself and what makes you excited and happy. Your experience and self-possession can make your sex life exciting for you and your partner.
- Look ahead. As you age, try to let go of expectations for your sex life. Do your best to avoid dwelling on how things are different. If you enjoyed an active sex life in your younger years, there's no reason to slow down with age, unless you want to. A positive attitude and open mind can go a long way toward improving your sex life as you age.
- Love and appreciate your older self. Naturally, your body is going through changes as you age. You look and feel differently than you did when you were younger. If you can accept these changes as natural and hold your head up high, you'll not only feel better, you'll also be more attractive to others. Confidence and honesty garner the respect of others — and can be sexy and appealing.
Good sex as you age is safe sex as you age.
As an older adult, you need to be just as careful as younger people when having sex with a new partner. You may not be able to get pregnant, but you're still susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases. Talk to your partner, and protect yourself.
Communicate with your partner.
As bodies and feelings change as you grow older, it's more important than ever to communicate your thoughts, fears and desires with your partner. Encourage your partner to communicate fully with you, too. Speaking openly about sex may not come easily to you, but improving your communication will help both of you feel closer, and can make senior sex more pleasurable.
Talking About Sex
Broaching the subject of sex can be difficult for some people, but it should get easier once you begin. As an added bonus, you may find that just talking about sex can make you feel sexy. Try the following strategies as you begin the conversation:
- Be playful. Being playful can make communication about sex a lot easier. Use humour, gentle teasing and even tickling to lighten the mood.
- Be honest. Honesty fosters trust and relaxes both partners — and can be very attractive. Let your partner know how you are feeling and what you hope for in a sex life.
- Discuss new ideas. If you want to try something new, discuss it with your partner, and be open to his or her ideas, too. The senior years — with more time and fewer distractions — can be a time of creativity and passion.
- Modernise. You may belong to a generation in which sex was a taboo subject. Talking openly about your needs, desires and concerns with your partner can make you closer — and help you both enjoy sex and intimacy.
Focus on intimacy and physical touch.
A good sex life — at any age — involves a lot more than just sex. It's also about intimacy and touch, things anyone can benefit from. Even if you have health problems or physical disabilities, you can engage in intimate acts and benefit from closeness with another person. Take the pressure off by putting aside your old ideas of what sex "should" be. Focus instead on the importance of tenderness and contact.
Taking Your Time
Without pressing workloads or young children to worry about, many older adults have far more time to devote to pleasure and intimacy. Use your time to become more intimate:
- Stretch your experience. Start with a romantic dinner — or breakfast — before lovemaking. Share romantic or erotic literature and poetry. Having an experience together, sexual or not, is a powerful way of connecting intimately.
- Don't be shy. Hold hands and touch your partner often, and encourage him or her to touch you. Tell your partner what you love about him or her, and share your ideas about new sexual experiences you might have together.
- Relax. Find something that relaxes both partners, whether it's trying massage or baths together. Relaxation fosters confidence and comfort, and can help both erectile and dryness problems.
Expanding Your Definition of Sex
Sexuality necessarily takes on a broader definition as people age. Try to open up to the idea that sex can mean many things, and that closeness with a partner can be expressed in many ways:
- It's not just about intercourse. Sex can also be about emotional pleasure, sensory pleasure and relationship pleasure. Intercourse is only one way to have fulfilling sex. Touching, kissing and other intimate sexual contact can be just as rewarding for both you and your partner.
- Embrace natural changes. As you age, it's normal for you and your partner to have different sexual abilities and needs. Find new ways to enjoy sexual contact and intimacy. You may have intercourse less often than you used to, but the closeness and love you feel will remain.
Reference:
Block, J., Smith, M. & Segal, J. (Updated 2017, April). Better sex as you age: Tips for enjoying a healthy sex life as you get older. Retrieved 1 June 2017 from https://www.helpguide.org